Thursday, April 30, 2009

Don't read if you don't want to laugh...

I feel like I can only post if I have a picture...or a story such as this:

I am watching my best friends kids tonight and her boy is 4 and doesn't beat around ANY bush. I had 2 shirts on. One for looks and the under one to protect the world from seeing the moisture my body tends to secrete. Because, at that moment I was a little over heated and only around children, I removed the "looks" part of my attire. That was my 3rd mistake. My 1st was the seldom used gym membership. Sometimes I use it, the key chain part of my membership cleans under fingernails very nicely. My 2nd mistake needs no comical introduction. I eat more than I should of things I shouldn't eat at all. Back to the story...after I removed all that I had going for me, Tucker says "Who's in your belly?" That is funny enough all by itself but after I explained that cookies and Mountain Dew pop it out just as far as a fetus in it 3rd trimester, he simply asked "Why are you SO fat?" Nothing rude about that question...I know the actually food that took part in my shortness of breath and love of the couch but "Why?" Why am I so fat? I almost hate the Mom that says she's so thin because her kids keep her busy...that is a load of BULL! I have 3 kids and nothing about them keeps my weight off. My car drives me and my supposed diet pills to school. The Disney channel takes care of my cute little laxatives while I blog...and eat. The answer to sweet Tucker is "Because, my little friend, I have a genetic disorder that prohibits me from losing weight and on top of that, all 4 of my extremities have atrophied due to a rare and devastating medical phenomenon that causes the veggies I consume to attack and eat my muscles only to vomit them back as fat cells." FALSE By the way, no one is in my belly. Parker got out 9 months ago and #4 isn't planning a trip to earth for another couple of years.