Thursday, April 30, 2009

Don't read if you don't want to laugh...

I feel like I can only post if I have a picture...or a story such as this:

I am watching my best friends kids tonight and her boy is 4 and doesn't beat around ANY bush. I had 2 shirts on. One for looks and the under one to protect the world from seeing the moisture my body tends to secrete. Because, at that moment I was a little over heated and only around children, I removed the "looks" part of my attire. That was my 3rd mistake. My 1st was the seldom used gym membership. Sometimes I use it, the key chain part of my membership cleans under fingernails very nicely. My 2nd mistake needs no comical introduction. I eat more than I should of things I shouldn't eat at all. Back to the story...after I removed all that I had going for me, Tucker says "Who's in your belly?" That is funny enough all by itself but after I explained that cookies and Mountain Dew pop it out just as far as a fetus in it 3rd trimester, he simply asked "Why are you SO fat?" Nothing rude about that question...I know the actually food that took part in my shortness of breath and love of the couch but "Why?" Why am I so fat? I almost hate the Mom that says she's so thin because her kids keep her busy...that is a load of BULL! I have 3 kids and nothing about them keeps my weight off. My car drives me and my supposed diet pills to school. The Disney channel takes care of my cute little laxatives while I blog...and eat. The answer to sweet Tucker is "Because, my little friend, I have a genetic disorder that prohibits me from losing weight and on top of that, all 4 of my extremities have atrophied due to a rare and devastating medical phenomenon that causes the veggies I consume to attack and eat my muscles only to vomit them back as fat cells." FALSE By the way, no one is in my belly. Parker got out 9 months ago and #4 isn't planning a trip to earth for another couple of years.

12 comments:

TJ said...

That really is a funny story, now where's the picture?

Daybreaking Dickersons said...

I'm waiting for these questions. Maybe I should stay away from 4 year olds.

Paul Merrill said...

Hi.

Fun blog.

I'm Paul Merrill too. (Funny world!)

Jana said...

You're too hard on yourself! Kids are hilarious but next time explain to the little thing that YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL! You are BEAUTIFUL! Note to self: stay away from that kid who thinks I would be having twins! (but aren't:)

mere said...

You are hilarious....I'm glad you posted, I've missed ya!

mama donk aubri jo said...

love kids :) they make you feels so great :) Beckham loves to point out the fact that my belly is big and weird looking and cohen's fav is to talk about my "big boobs"b what can you do?

The Glenns said...

What...no picture, c'mon. How is it that you are not having to do Crossfit work outs and running miles beyond other girls our age??? Dan has me convinced that all the wives do? He's in big trouble!

Caralee said...

Good one Amanda. Thanks for the chuckle :)

heidi said...

so funny. I'm pretty sure veggies do morph into gigantic fat cells though. :)

The Glenns said...

Is your best friend Heidi Anderson?

The Eagars said...

thanks for the good laugh - i needed this tonight!

Robbie, Kelly, Jared and Payton Merrill said...

Kids are so brutally honest. We were driving in the car the other day and I was dancing to the music and saying Jared dance with me. His response was "look mom you have bouncy arms". I was cracking up. You gotta love the innocence of their comments!